You
by afterfourteenyears
Summary: [GinSachi, GinTsu] Gintoki recalls the past. A past where he had to pretend.
1. The Great Betrayal

_**Author's note:** Sorachi Hideaki owns Gintama. This story is unbetaed and might NOT BE THE FULL VERSION due to site restrictions. My tumblr / wordpress / livejournal / AO3 has the full chapters but there will be delays in uploading there. I'd love some reviews! This story hmmm it's just a few chapters I wrote for Gintoki's birthday. A month's delay though. Haha. AU? Maybe. Difficult to digest the manga sometimes._

**Chapter One: The Great Betrayal**

It was over. He knew it was. It wasn't like he was still trying to convince himself of the reality of it.

Gintoki stood up from the bed, tired yet uneasy, and walked to the window. The curtains were flapping vigorously in the wind. The cloth hit his face but it did nothing to jolt him from the floating sensation he was experiencing.

It was the right thing to do. After all, Shouyou-sensei once told him that a man, no matter how strong or powerful he is, should always be true to his heart. And he did follow his heart because he was fed up with being smothered and with… settling. How uncharacteristic of him to sacrifice another person's happiness for his own. His old mentor was long dead but he kept his teachings imbibed in his heart.

While drinking at, or rather _with_ the old lady Otose one late afternoon, she told him, "I know you. You'll do what you have to do." That was zero kinds of helpful to him. After a few more drinks, he strode to the door but stopped when he heard more from her.

"Gintoki. It's the guilt. You can't escape it either way." The old lady sure knew how to threaten him.

He still went through with it. He never listened to Otose anyway. There's also the money he owed her for rent. She probably wouldn't give him good advice because of that.

He was wrong, as usual, but it didn't matter. It didn't matter at all. Life teaches us things through the mistakes we make. The catch is that you can never ever go back.

The wind grew stronger and his hair tickled his face – his eyes and even his cheeks. Dealing with such a mess, he was unable to even get a simple haircut. Memories flooded his mind and an ache emerged from his chest. He turned sharply from the window, intending to leave immediately but he caught sight of the bed and the small table with a drawer next to it.

_She lay sideways on the bed, patting the empty space in front of her and giggling. She was being playful again and he hated it. He was not in the mood for games. _

"_Come to me, Gin-san." She shifted her thighs and her short dress hiked up a few more inches, displaying more of her body to him. Her underwear was bright pink, visible between her thighs and looking very slim._

_He sighed and kicked off his boots then lay next to her, his hand automatically smoothing her thighs but avoiding her panties. He was not going to get sucked in to this again. _

"_You're in a bad mood again," she breathed into his ear, "I'll calm you down." Then her hands were rubbing his chest and they were kissing. It felt good. She felt so good. His hand slid to her bottom, finally feeling the bright pink silk she was wearing. _

_She moaned his name and buried her fingers in his hair like he was going to disappear and she just wanted to hold on to him. It should have hurt but their kiss was wonderful and she was slender and soft against him. _

"_A- Are you feeling more relaxed now?" She was panting with her leg wrapped around his waist. He could feel the desire manifesting in his body. _

_He kissed her neck and ground himself between her thighs. "No. I think I'm getting even tenser."_

_The giggling started again and he stopped himself from cringing. "I bet it's 'cause of me." _

"_Sacchan." His voice was serious. "I'm going home." _

_She pouted like he was playing a joke. "But we were starting to have fun."_

_He wanted to tell her that she was the only one enjoying it. "I… Kagura's alone in the house and I should stay with her. It's really late." Excuses, he's very good at making them. _

"_She's a big girl now. She can take care of herself. I taught her how to." _

_That's what he was afraid of. "I have to check on her."_

"_But Okita-san is with her-"_

"_That's what I'm afraid of."_

_She was quiet for a minute, staring at him, impassive. He thought she would start crying again and make a scene to turn him into a guilty mess but instead she nodded and ran her fingers through his hair a few times. "Your hair's gotten longer…" she murmured. _

_He kept silent. _

"_Can I cut it, Gin-san?" _

"_WHAT?" _

_She sat up and opened the drawer of the small table next to the bed. In her hands were a pair of scissors and a comb. "Come on," she said as she arranged the pillows for his head and asked him to bend forward. She started immediately, combing and cutting his locks, and he let her. There was no way he was going to argue with her when she had a pair of scissors in her hands and his neck was vulnerable._

_A few minutes of silence passed and he shifted his head, feeling a few muscle spasms on one side. His forehead lay on the soft pillows and it was a few moments before he realized that they were her breasts. Feeling indulgent, he rubbed his cheek on one. Sacchan did not react and continued cutting his hair. _

_He pressed against them some more, with opportunity. Then he reached up and slid her dress off her shoulders, exposing the top of a bra that matched her underwear. _

_He heard the sound of metal hit the ground. _

_Her hands had let go of the tools and were now busy with freeing her body of the dress. "I hope you like it," she smiled. "I'm done with your hair, I mean." _

The Yorozuya place and the area around it were silent except for the sound of Tama sweeping the ground. She waved mechanically at him but made no move to get closer and have their usual chat. That was fine. He told her to stay away. He was not going to let her give him a piece of her mind – err, chip.

It was near dark and he almost tripped while dragging his feet up the stairs. Habit made him gaze at the roof but he found no one there. He slid the doors open, found everything to be neat, and decided that Shinpachi had stopped by earlier but was now gone.

There were piles of his JUMP and, um, porn magazines near the couch. He kicked them and watched with satisfaction as they scattered and started a chaos of their own. Then he wiped the dirt on his boots on the rug. It was a fantastic mess.

Seething, he resolved to berate Shinpachi tomorrow for not following his instructions. He was not supposed to clean up this place. He had not done it for a long time because his home was being well-organized somehow. Then shit happened – Gintoki himself caused it – and now the place keeps accumulating disorder with no one to address it. Shinpachi wanted to help but no, Gintoki wanted to feel the jumble of his new life. The one that came with his freedom.

Kagura was in the kitchen, munching on a variety of food and using the laptop. Sougo had given it to her so they could talk without seeing each other in person. They usually tried to beat up each other then. Sure enough, the sadist's face was on screen. His eyes trailed to Gintoki which made Kagura look at him too and within seconds, her palm slammed the device shut.

He shrugged and withdrew to his room to lie on the futon. It seemed like he couldn't find a comfortable position since the floorboards were digging into his skin. Huffing, he lay on his back and stared at the ceiling then immediately wondered why he was even looking there.

There was a haphazardly repaired hole on the roof. Exactly that spot right over him.

_He woke to an ear-splitting scream. A wonderful contribution by Shinpachi. It was too early for him to be up but then by the time the boy usually roused him, it was time to tune-in to Ketsuno Ana on the TV. _

_It was weird how he caught the words: disgusting, shameless, and sin coming from the glasses member of their trio. With much effort, he opened his eyes and lifted – or attempted to lift – his hand to wipe off the sleep from his lids. Something was weighing on his arm. _

_He turned his head into a mass of tangles and sneezed into it. Then it moved and he heard a sound from whatever was on top of him. Gintoki found himself staring into a purple woman. Well, at least most of her was purple. Her long hair, the eye make-up – except her eyes were kind of gray, her lips and then he looked down to see her clad only in purplish underwear that were several sizes too small for her figure. _

_He stared and stared and stared. Her breasts, full and bouncy were almost spilling out of the garment. She gasped, a slight sound that made him look back at her face. There was a mark below her right eye – he didn't notice it at first, and her gaze was on him – surprised. The purple lipstick smudged towards her right cheek but still colored her lips enough to fascinate him. They were parted, by the way, and she let out a few shaky breaths. _

"_I didn't…?" He didn't really know. _

How vividly he recalled that.

They talked about it later when they were both dressed. Actually, she was wrapped in his signature yukata – Shinpachi made him give it to her. She only gave him her first name, Sacchan, and reminded him of what happened the night before. He might have been too drunk to remember, she said, but they met at a bar and danced then shared a few kisses. When she was about to leave, he convinced her to come home with him. Then this led to that…

He thought that she was a big fat – well, kind of sexy – liar but he didn't say anything. First of all, he never danced. Not even when he was drunk. Second, he would not forget kissing and fucking a woman who looked like that no matter how intoxicated he was. He wondered why she would choose to trick him, out of all people, into marriage. He was poor, jobless, and his goddamn hair never let him catch a break with any woman.

Immediately, he made it clear that there was no way he was going to marry her. She waved it off but he had a feeling she was going to stick around. Eventually, they started dating and this really led to that. But before they set out, she asked him to beat up her rat-faced ex-boyfriend. Fortunately, she didn't bring him to meet her parents. She ran away from home when she was thirteen and never looked back.

In the beginning, it was a mix of amazing and frustrating. He discovered her hyperactive and clingy personality. At first, he didn't mind since it felt good to be doted on and the sex was mind-blowing. Plus, she let him do whatever he wanted. She kept his house in order and let him stay over at her place where there was an actual comfortable bed and real food.

A few months in their relationship, they had a big fight. He confirmed that she was lying about them meeting at a bar. She had only fallen through his roof, hence the hole. It seemed like an utterly manipulative plot. For weeks, he refused to see her or speak to her no matter how persistent she was. She camped on his roof and spoke to him but he shut her out. Women were complications. It was a big mistake to even start a relationship. And it had to be with a crazy one like her.

He found her hiding in cabinets and drawers – how the hell did she fit? She also hid behind their large bathroom mirror but an ingenious Yorozuya prank scared her away. She followed him around Kabuki-cho and threatened to harm any female that would try to come near him. She mistook Otae, Otose and even Zura to be his new lovers.

Her annoying presence caused him to form a habit of swatting or kicking her away. It didn't last long. He felt much remorse afterwards and nothing could console him, not even sugar overload. But sex did the trick and only then did he realize how much of their companionship he really missed – the cuddling, the kissing, the intimacy and the small sweet talks with the touching. It was sickening but he couldn't resist.

Much of his feelings of being an ass came from when he found out from Zenzou, a distant relative of Sacchan's who attended the same school as her. The night she stumbled on to his bed was the night she was trying to run away from a long time suitor of hers who was trying to rape her. No wonder most of her clothes were gone then. As penitence, he hunted down the bastard and beat him to pulp. He didn't tell Sacchan, she didn't need to know.

Kagura's boisterous laughter reached his ears and snapped him back to the present. He had no watch with him but he felt it was time. So he dressed and walked outside, passing by the kitchen where Kagura almost slammed the laptop shut again but he told her he was leaving and there was no need to as long as Sougo wasn't naked. She turned the screen away from him in haste.

"You out all night, Gin-chan?"

"Hmm… maybe till noon tomorrow. You'll be okay here, right? You're a big girl. You can handle anything here."

She nodded absently. "Yup Gin-chan." She took at peek at the screen and typed something. "Don't worry about me."

"I'm not worried about you. I'm worried for Sougo… the trauma you'll cause him if he comes over…"

"HAHAHA. Bye Gin-chan!"

"Bye, Kagura."

Gintoki took off on his motorcycle. The drive to Yoshiwara won't be long but he was always impatient in getting there. For something new in his life, it didn't take much for him to adjust. Where his heart was at peace, he would find a way.

He secured his ride at the usual place, paying a young boy to watch it for the night. The place he walked into was full of people – drinking, singing, and public displays of affection. Naked women danced while men grabbed their breasts and fingered their special spots. Gintoki looked appreciatively at them for a few seconds but went on his way soon enough.

The back stairs was well hidden but for men like him with a special rendezvous, it was a shared secret.

She met him in the usual quarters. Her name is Tsukuyo. She had told him her last name but said it had to be a secret. Her hair was always in a bun, which he liked because he was fond of freeing the strands from her clip and watching her hair fall to make her more beautiful. Her face was always free of any make-up. She did not bother to cover up the scars on her face – a birth accident in the past. They were barely seen, just light and shiny lines on her forehead and cheek. Her eyes were purple and magnificent. Her lips were plump, soft and tasted like nicotine. He was addicted to them.

She always dressed in full clothing, of brilliant, eye-catching colors. Her foster sister, Hinowa, always fussed about her dresses. Gintoki heard her saying that she will forgive her for doing without make-up but her clothes have to be exquisite. He didn't mind, undressing her slowly was part of the appeal. But that would come later.

Whenever they meet, they share kisses and touches but never go all the way immediately. Despite the Yoshiwara setting, their relationship was not all about sex. Gintoki wanted to get to know her more and if he wasn't already, he knew she was special enough for him to fall in love with her. Still, their long night talks, the slight kisses and glances, this led to passionate embraces. He wanted her in every way possible.

She was the reason he left his old life with Sacchan. Tsukuyo made him happy. Since they met, he couldn't stop thinking about her. Their first encounter was fate, he believed. Tsukuyo was raised to become a prostitute and she would have gone on her first trial that night. But he stopped her, saying there was more to her, making every effort for her to believe him.

She did. Her uncle Jiraia was livid at first. He almost killed Gintoki but was convinced soon enough. Gintoki swore he would marry Tsukuyo if Jiraia let him. It was the only way she would divert from her intended path.

The minute he and Sacchan were over, he rushed to Tsukuyo and they were inseparable for days – talking, consoling, planning and making love. He was free. It had been her first time and it was special, extraordinary even. He did not regret committing to her.

She often held back as they made love, embarrassed in creating too much noise. Even as he teased her breasts, caressing the large mounds and suckling, she only whimpered slightly with heavy breathing.

"Don't hold back," he plunged into her as hard as he could so she would cry out.

Her face showed that she liked his actions but she bit her lip. "Jiraia will kill you if he finds out about us."

"He already knows and he approves, right?"

"Yes, but-"

"He doesn't know that we've been doing it?"

She shook her head.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No! Go on, Gintoki. I don't want you to stop." She started moving with him and it almost drove him to the edge. "I won't let him do anything to you, I swear… I'll fight him myself."

He laughed. Of course, Tsukuyo was also a skilled fighter. She also had perfect aim. His woman was completely badass.

When they were done, she touched his hair and smiled up at him.

"What? What is it?"

"You hair… It's longer…"

"Yeah?"

"I like it." She kissed him full on the mouth. "Don't cut it."

Gintoki smirked. "Okay. I won't."

_**Author's end note:** I don't even know if this story will make sense! Anyway… Time flies. Chapter two soon. As for Mitsuketa, I'm still editing chapter 20. It's too long. :p_


	2. Moment of Truth

**_Author's note: _**_Sorachi Hideaki owns Gintama. This story is unbetaed and might NOT BE THE FULL VERSION due to site restrictions. My tumblr / wordpress / livejournal / AO3 has the full chapters but there will be delays in uploading there. I'd love some reviews! More flashbacks. I'm feeling so lazy__._

**Chapter Two: Moment of Truth**

"_I knew you'd come back to me." _

_He was leaning against the wall outside her bathroom, listening to her I-told-you-so tirade. The triumphant smile on her face was almost enough to make him change his mind. _

"_You missed me, didn't you, Gin-san?" She giggled into his ear and kissed it, wrapping her arms around him. Their bodies pressing together was such a damning temptation. _

_Gintoki groaned as she attacked his neck with slow, teasing touches of her lips. He surrendered to the experience and closed his eyes. The towel was a soft barrier under his fingers as he hauled her closer by the waist. Her scent was amazing and so were her lips, now exploring his chest. He reached down, slipping his fingers under the towel and smoothed her behind – squeezing and using it to bring her as near as possible. Sacchan wiggled her hips in his hands, giving him a sample of what was to come. _

_His eyes snapped open as she slithered down, undoing every piece of clothing in her way. He grabbed the towel to stop her but it came loose and her body was exposed to him. Gintoki couldn't speak or move any longer with heart-stopping anticipation. _

_He howled as she licked the skin below his belly button, almost crossing the junction to that part of him that needed her. _

_Surprising him, she yanked down his pants and boxers, and before he could blink, he was inside her. His pelvis bucked forward as he cried out and pulled at her hair. She went on, swiping her tongue and drawing him in deeper with her lips. He was pretty much in ecstasy. Gintoki found himself collapsing on the cabinet next to him, his knees threatening to give way._

_But then she let go and knelt higher, making eye contact. Neither of them said a word even as she settled him between her breasts and squeezed. He groaned and reached down to feel their softness. When he tweaked the peaks, she gasped, making him smirk. _

"_Why'd you decide to get back together, Gin-san?" She gave him a single lick and he tried to keep himself at bay. _

_He closed his eyes but kept his fingers active. "I told you… You're forgiven." _

_She resumed her tongue's movements, speaking in between, "But… why? I've been trying to make-up with you for months but you've been stubborn." _

_This made him growl in frustration. "Just shut up and continue. You're driving me crazy here." He pinched her nipple to emphasize his predicament. _

"_Ahhh! Yes, Gin-san." _

He slid out from under the vehicle he was repairing. This kind of work was extremely boring but he had to do all kinds of things for money. He looked to the other side and spotted old man Gengai setting up a five-level cabinet.

"At least he's happy with his job," Gintoki muttered bitterly, hearing Gengai whistling a cheery tune. The clock was pointing to nine o' clock, too early to even be awake. The sweat on his brow was continuously dripping with all the work. The weather certainly wasn't helping.

He needed a drink and he regretfully recalled Sacchan always hanging around him while working, ready with a glass of water and some snacks. "I don't want you tiring too much," she usually said, "we need your stamina for tonight!"

When the job became especially boring, they ended up getting hot and heavy in a corner.

But he's decided that she was a damn distraction. It was better now that she was out of his way. He would become more productive. A woman in the workplace was proven downtime. Good thing Tsukuyo, his girlfriend, was unavailable. She was not allowed to leave Yoshiwara yet. He missed her already. They hadn't seen each other for almost a week. He wanted to spend time with her… and make love to her…

Gintoki gulped. The heat was really getting to him. He might need to go get some refreshments himself –

"Water, Gintoki-sama?" The green-haired lady robot, Tama, offered him a tall glass.

At least Tama was here.

"Thanks, Tama."

"A human body is normally composed of seventy to eighty percent water but yours has fallen to a few notches above dehydration status. I thought you needed replenishing."

"Right." But Tama left without replying. So, she was honoring his request to have people leave him alone. Good. He had enough of I-told-you-sos.

By an act of the gods, work finished earlier than expected. He dragged himself home and to the bathroom with a sense of urgency. At the door, he was slipping on his boots when he noticed Kagura and – was that Sougo? – with their heads huddled together as they sat on the couch.

"Haaa? Kagura?"

Her scream was followed by nervous laughter as she elbowed Okita ten feet away. He let out an "oof!" and then lost consciousness as his head smashed through the wall. He was really no match for her.

"Gin-chan! Leaving again?"

"Yeah…"

"Ooh! Before I forget, Sacchan stopped by…"

"She did?"

"Uh-huh. She brought that box, said I should let you know." Kagura pointed to a tiny box on the table.

He nodded. He would look at that box tomorrow, when he returned, no matter how curious he was right now. "Bye, Kagura."

"See ya, Gin-chan."

"Don't forget to have that wall fixed." He said as he stepped out then drove his motorcycle away.

Being in Yoshiwara during the day was odd. It was less mysterious and it seemed like an innocent town, with beautiful women parading themselves around. Gintoki chuckled, it wasn't as interesting as it was during nighttime.

He stopped by Hinoya Tea, Hinowa's shop where Tsukuyo usually helped out during the day. She probably wasn't expecting him this early.

When he entered, he saw her immediately. The place was void of customers and Tsukuyo was cleaning a table. Her hair was in a braided bun and she wore a sleeveless royal blue kimono that reached the floor. He spotted a kunai secured by a garter around her thigh, through the slit of her clothing.

Behind the counter was Seita, Hinowa's adopted son. He was counting the cash and when he saw Gintoki, he winked and left quietly.

Gintoki stood behind Tsukuyo and kissed her neck as he held her by the waist. She gasped and looked behind, relaxing when she saw it was him. But her eyes darted in several directions to see if anyone was around.

"Surprise…" Gintoki chuckled, resting his chin on her shoulder.

Tsukuyo remained serious. "Y- You're early," she coughed as she said it and yet the pink tinge of her cheeks gave her excitement away.

"Maybe I'm eager to be with you after we've been apart for a week." He turned her head to him and kissed her, wasting no time in grabbing her breasts.

"Wait!" Tsukuyo tried to remove his hands but he kept squeezing, marveling at the added intensity of her blush.

"I remember you liking this," he teased, adding pressure to a nipple.

She whimpered but hissed at him, "Yes! When we're _alone_!"

"We're alone right now."

"Seita is-"

"He left." Gintoki grinned. He loved teasing her. She was so easily riled up.

"He might come back! Hinowa too!"

"Then let's go somewhere private." He kept her body against him and continued fondling her breast.

She looked around again as she bit her lip but let him carry on. "I'm in charge of the store." She looked so tense.

Letting go of her, he sighed and nodded while taking a seat. He didn't want to make her uncomfortable. But he felt a glow in his chest when she kissed him and whispered her thanks.

The afternoon went by quickly, turning to evening. They stayed at the store and talked about the week that passed and made innocent – or rather, playful – remarks on which one of them missed the other more. Hinowa was ecstatic when she saw him and let Tsukuyo off work early so that she could spend time with Gintoki.

Before they left, Hinowa secretly handed him ten condoms. The kind with flavorings.

They headed to Tsukuyo's room in no time. As he kissed her, he lamented over those condoms… the flavor would go to waste. He had asked her about doing something for him before, but she said she was not ready. He understood her, of course, and he would not dream of rushing her into it.

She was different. She was no sex object to him despite her Yoshiwara background. He wanted to treat her right. There was some vulnerability in her, because of her upbringing, and the life planned out for her. But he was here to make sure she would have a better life.

Nevertheless, he desired her with all his being.

He loved the way his length rubbed against her bottom, the firmness setting his nerves on edge. She looked so unrestricted, on all fours, quietly moaning his name as he took her from behind. Her tightness and warmth were driving him to the edge. He was closer to his threshold with every thrust and every sound of her voice.

When he was collapsed on top of her, he asked her if she was offended by what they had done.

"I… No, Gintoki. Not at all." She was panting and the glow on her face was beautiful.

"Are you sure?"

"Don't treat me like a baby. If you like to do it that way, then we'll do it that way."

That made him laugh. "Yes ma'am."

"I know about these things. I grew up in Yoshiwara, remember? It's… It's just what men like, they said."

"So you know all about the things I like, huh?" He caressed her inner thigh.

"Not that again, Gintoki!"

He bent down and kissed her breasts. "Tsukuyo, I told you, you have to let go. You'll feel better. If you let me…"

"Not yet…"

"I want to see you lose control. By my doing."

He felt her shiver. "Gintoki, please… I… I'm not ready for that. Eventually, I'll let you. But now, I don't think I can handle your mouth in between my legs!" Her face was definitely the reddest he had ever seen.

"Okay," he said. He just wanted her to feel at ease with him.

_They were wrapped around each other in the aftermath of passion. He looked into her eyes, feeling her gaze on him. _

"_I knew you'd come back to me."_

_He sighed. Not again. "Yes, I believe you already." _

"_No, I mean… I've always felt something special between us. When we're together, my heart's always bursting out of my chest. And somehow, when you tried to keep me away, it didn't feel right. My body, my heart, my soul… Gin-san, my entire being, I needed you. Didn't you feel that too?"_

"_Don't you ever ran out of words to say?" _

"_There are so many things I want to tell you." _

"_Stop talking." He turned her over so that he was on top and kissed her for the thousandth time. It was better like this, no words, just actions. He loved the way her thighs automatically parted to accommodate him. He rubbed against her, feeling the intensity when they connected this way. _

"_Take me!" She screamed, guiding him inside. Her openness struck him with a force stronger than he could fathom. The softness of her body and her lips on his… She was right. His entire being was on fire. _

_They moved together while he kissed her with a sweetness he never thought he was capable of with her. Her hands smoothed his back and they urged him to go on, along with the delicious sounds of her voice._

"_Stay with me this time," she said to him. Her voice was meek, a surprising change from her usual haughty tone. "Say it." _

"_What should I say?" _

"_That you'll stay." Her voice was soft, he had to lean closer to hear her. "You don't have to promise."_

_He sighed again. He couldn't understand what she wanted. "Okay." _

_They shared another kiss and she murmured something against his lips but he was exploding, drowning in pleasure, so he was unable to make out her words._

Zura stopped by one morning, asking him for a favor which he was not willing to help him with. He actually referred to it as an act of kindness on Gintoki's part.

"No can do, Zura. It's suicide."

"Gintoki, have pity on your oldest friend. Actually, I'm your only friend in the world."

"Why does it have to be me?"

"Because you're the only one she'll do it for. Wait a minute…"

"What now?"

"I have forgotten something."

"Yeah. Like how it's a terrible idea to bring me along. It will make things worse."

"No. It's not that. It's not Zura, it's Katsura! There!"

Gintoki facepalmed. "Are you fucking serious?"

"Yes. No. Maybe? I don't know."

"Look, Zura, the moment I step through that door, disaster will strike. Believe me."

Katsura shrugged. It was followed by an uneasy minute of silence.

"So… we aren't going through with it?"

"We still are, Gintoki."

There was no way out of this. Zura would bleed him dry until he agreed. He knew him. After all, they had been classmates from kindergarten to high school.

"What's in it for me?"

"What do you mean?" Zura scratched his head.

"What's-in-it-for-me?" He repeated, this time emphasizing each word. "I'm helping you and risking my own neck here."

"Uh… Well…" His black eyes pierced Gintoki's soul. "I won't correct you and you can call me Zura-"

"It's a deal!"

"-for a month!"

"Forever!"

"Take it or leave it, Gintoki."

"Fine."

"Good. Let's go."

Gintoki peered into Zura's face. "How's your girlfriend, by the way?"

"Uh, Elizabeth?"

"Yeah… that lady who does that duck face when taking pictures or selfies."

"She… what? She does not! Well, I'm thinking about breaking up with her."

"Oh yeah? Why?" That sounded familiar.

"I'm not sure. It's weird. I think she's not really a woman."

"What the fuck? That's some deep shit! How could you not know? Haven't you screwed her?"

"No…"

"Oh…"

"So…"

"You're fucked. Let's go."

Kunoichi-Maid Café was plastered on a sign hanging from the store's roof. Gintoki still believed this was a bad idea but it was inevitable and he was too lazy to argue further. He led the way inside and took a seat in his usual spot hoping that-

"Good day masters! I am Sacchan, at your service. May I take your orders?" Then she stiffened when she recognized them.

"Haha! Sa-kun! What a wonderful day! I'd like the curry platter with some tea and a bowl of your soup special. Gintoki here will have the usual, eh, Gintoki?" He winked at his companion.

Sacchan kept her gaze opposite Gintoki's direction. He could feel it.

"This isn't going to work." He hissed at Zura.

"What usual? I'm not familiar with any usuals." Her gaze was maintained to be far away and there was a detectable bitterness in her tone.

Zura coughed and slammed his foot on Gintoki's left boot.

"The um, strawberry milkshake and some sweet custard…"

"Is that all?"

They both nodded. Gintoki let out a sigh of relief.

"Your orders are curry platter, tea, soup special, strawberry milkshake and sweet custard." She spoke swiftly and mechanically.

They nodded again.

"That will be one thousand three hundred and twenty yen."

"Huh?" Zura was dumbfounded.

"Pay as you order."

"Oh, yes! I just wanted to point out Sa-kun… We were hoping that this meal would be… Free?"

She stared at them for a while. Gintoki held his breath. "Why?" She spoke tersely.

"Well…" Zura met Gintoki's eyes. "Don't you usually let Gintoki have his meals for free?"

Gintoki groaned. This was definitely the worst day of his life. Why did he let Zura talk him into this?

Her gaze hardened. "That was before."

"Before what?"

This time, Gintoki stomped on Zura's foot and hissed, "Shut up already!"

Sacchan gave him a look and then turned back to Katsura. "Katsura-san, please relay to your companion that after what he had done, he should not be expecting free meals any longer."

"What did he do?"

"Zura! Stop! Let's just get out of here."

"And Katsura-san, tell him he's right. He should get the fuck out of here." Then she walked away, her shoulders rigid, and she never looked back.

"_Happy birthday!" _

_She pushed him down on the chair and opened the box in front of him. His birthday cake was inside. The writing on it was muddled since the chocolate had melted all over. She hastily lit the candles, their number mirroring his age change since yesterday. It was two thirty-four in the morning of October 11__th__. He was late for his own birthday celebration… with her. _

_But he was bewildered by her mood. He expected her to be annoyed and pissy, asking him all kinds of questions where he had been… and yet, she was meekly arranging a plate and a glass for him. No questions were fired his way. _

_It was probably a good thing. He would never tell her that Sakamoto and the other boys took him out for a few drinks and that things got out of hand. They ended up in Yoshiwara, reminiscing the old days when they sneaked off to drink and tried to pick up women. _

_He couldn't tell her that he met someone… and fell in love at first sight with her._

_After a few forced – somehow he knew they were unnatural – giggles and watching him eat some of the cake, she sat on his lap and hugged him for a long time. It was too long that he thought she had fallen asleep but he realized that she was crying, holding in her sobs. _

_It was terrifyingly out of character. He couldn't ignore it. _

"_Sacchan? What's wrong?" He couldn't look at her face either. If there was one thing he can't stand, it's a woman's tears. He wondered if it was guilt filling his stomach uncomfortably right now. Did she sense that something was different?_

_She pretended to be asleep and he let her carry on the charade. _

_He took her to her bed then he left the place. For the next few hours until morning, he spent the time at a 24/7 ramen booth, downing sake and recalling a pair of enticing rich, purple eyes._

_**Author's end note:** Should this even be happening? Lalalalalala! Thank you **an. co. xx**, I really like writing about this love triangle._


	3. One Hundred Eighty

_**Author's note:** Sorachi Hideaki owns Gintama. This story is unbetaed and might NOT BE THE FULL VERSION due to site restrictions. My tumblr / wordpress / livejournal / AO3 has the full chapters but there will be delays in uploading there. Please review! Hmm… after last chapter's events… this is what happens?_

**Chapter Three: One Hundred Eighty**

Sometimes, Gintoki was jobless for a week, give or take, and he liked it because he did not have to get up early or move around so much. But the glorious feeling of satisfaction was limited. He was broke.

Such dejected thoughts were not appropriate for one who was walking down the streets of Yoshiwara. He was so distracted that he almost had his – empty – wallet pilfered. It was hurled back at his face. The benefits of being penniless.

He had no money, no IDs, nothing to lose… Except maybe those dessert and motel coupons. They would come to use someday.

Minutes later, Hinowa had agreed to cover up for them and he had taken his girlfriend to their secret place. Tsukuyo immediately sensed that something was wrong and she grilled him about whatever it was. She was leaning against the wall as she smoked while he whined, a little, about his situation.

She pushed the windows open and blew out some smoke. "Then, I have a job for you," she said without looking at him.

"What is it?" He had come up behind her and slipped the thin straps off her shoulders, exposing her breasts. He massaged them while he sucked on that sweet spot on her neck.

"Gintoki!" She closed the windows with haste. "Wait a moment."

"Go on, tell me about this job," he murmured against her neck as he carried her to the bed. He was addicted to her being under him, her softness molding into his body. Every bit of him was burning for her.

"Gintoki… Stop that…"

"Do you really mean that?" He tickled her breasts with his tongue, provoking her. "I know how much you like this."

She gasped, a sound that was pleasant to his ears, and arched towards him, as if begging silently for more.

"Tsukuyo…" She was soft and delicious. Gintoki could feel his desire peaking yet he still could not have enough.

"Not so rough," she said as she pushed him away. "Let's stop and discuss the job first."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just want to tell you about the-"

"I'll listen to that later." He stared into her eyes and he could see trouble in them. "What is it?"

"I…" Tsukuyo hesitated.

His fingers stroked her cheek. "Tsukuyo…"

"It's just… Before you fool around with my breasts, maybe you should warn me first or maybe even kiss me first."

"I…" He didn't know what to say.

"It's not fun being taken by surprise all the time."

He gulped. "Sorry…"

"Gintoki." She hugged him. "I do like it, when you touch me, but sometimes you get carried away."

"Okay…" He took a deep breath. "I'll be gentle. Uh, Tsukuyo?"

"Yeah?"

"Sorry, if I upset you…"

"Maybe I'm just too sensitive," she whispered. "You're still a man, Gintoki. I shouldn't forget that."

"Tsukuyo." He kissed her and held her, trying to make her feel protected. "You can tell me anything."

"The job… Are you still interested?"

"Who is it for?"

"Me."

"You?" He almost fell out of the bed.

"I'll pay, don't worry."

"No way! I mean, you don't have to. What is the job anyway?" He was feeling nervous. What was it that she needed him to do? A lot of things crossed his mind but at the same time, he was still clueless. Most of all, Tsukuyo was independent and rarely asked help from anyone. He wondered what had caused her to resort to this.

"I promise you'll get your share. I just need you to help me with something." The seriousness of her expression was certainly making him curious.

"Uh, what is that something?" His stomach was turning and really, she was starting to scare him.

"No violent reactions or bigoted comments. This is important."

"Yes, yes. Go on, I'm all ears."

"I want you to teach me how to fight."

Well, that certainly made him fall right out of bed.

"Gintoki? Are you okay?"

"Yes, I was just… uhh… not really expecting that." He hoped the words were non-violent and non-bigoted enough.

She pulled him up as she nodded, "I know. You… You'll do it, right?"

He said yes.

So for the next few months or indefinitely, he was hired as Tsukuyo's fighting instructor. Gintoki couldn't sleep a wink the night before they started. A lot of questions crossed his mind. Was this the right thing to do? Was she actually serious about this? What could he teach her? He knew a lot of things about sword fighting from his childhood and teenage years. Him and Zura, along with their other friends, they needed it to survive.

Why did Tsukuyo want to learn how to fight? He truly wanted to know but he did not ask her. The fire in her eyes was enough for now. She asked it of him, so he would do it.

He stole her away from Yoshiwara that first day. She was still not allowed to leave but that town was no place to teach her. They rode off on his motorcycle to a field that was miles away. Jiraia was abroad on business – drugs and women – so they were relatively safe for now. Still, it was a gamble.

Tsukuyo wore a plain black yukata that hugged her figure and Gintoki could not stop taking her in. His eyes were not enough to appreciate her. He wanted his lips, his hands and his body on her. She was breathtaking, fierce and ready for her training. Her hair was in a bun and her clothes had an odd but dashing cut, sleeveless on one side, a low neck-line and a high slit on the side, exposing her creamy thigh…

She coughed. "We should get started." Her right hand held a kunai.

"Right." He scratched his head. "What is that?"

"A kunai."

"I know what it is. I meant, why do you have it?" He tossed a wooden sword at her. "There, you'll practice with that first so you won't hurt anyone."

The kunai barely swiped past his head and hit the center of a narrow tree trunk behind him. "Huh?"

"I've had some training with this, you know."

"I can see that." He still hadn't moved a muscle, surprised at her aim. "Well, would you rather train with that? I'm not familiar with kunai fighting. Ninjas do that and I know someone, his name's Zenzou. He bragged about being one."

"No," Tsukuyo said with a shake of her head. "I could teach you how to handle a kunai. I'm ready for sword-fighting." She slid the weapon back into her thigh strap and picked up Gintoki's bokutou.

He taught her stances first, then how to hold a sword – two hands for now since she was just starting out, then a few swings. Whenever he made snide remarks, she swung the kunai at him. She learned the basics quickly and he could sense her determination. She was passionate and strong, which made her even more beautiful in his eyes.

Now, he pondered on her scars. Were they really from a birth accident or from something else? There were so many things he still wanted to know about her.

He noticed that she had a few difficulties with handling the sword. Her grip was too practiced on a kunai. Standing behind her, their bodies close, he guided her hands and her arms. He adjusted her shoulders, massaging them into the right position.

"Okay?" He murmured in her ear, his intentions different now.

"O- Okay." Her breathing was quicker, her cheeks the lovely pink that gave away her delight.

And in a single movement, he had her between him and the tree as he kissed her, hurriedly, roughly, forgetting his promise to be gentle. She did not protest but instead responded with her own eagerness and will. Tsukuyo was supple against him, her hands fisted in his hair, keeping him to her. He pulled her up, wrapping her legs around him, anticipating their union. Then he took her, over and over, feeling her, pleasing her, wanting to always be with her. It ended with him craving for more.

"Gintoki, thank you," she said before kissing him fervidly. He felt the love in that kiss, the promise, and the hope for their future. She let him run his lips down her neck, to her breasts, which he savored. "We should get back," she told him when it was dark.

"Mmm… Just a few more minutes." His tongue swirled against her nipple then he sucked again.

"Gintoki! Ahhh! Please!"

"Tsukuyo, let me make you feel good…"

"_Where are we going, Gin-san?" She whined for the umpteenth time as he dragged her to the Shimura's training ground. _

_He stopped and glared at her. "I told you, I'm going to teach you how to fight." _

"_But why? Can't we just stay home and cuddle?" She giggled, feeling his biceps. "We can burn calories doing more enjoyable things." _

"_Look, this isn't for exercise or fun or whatever bullshit you're thinking. This is for you, so you can defend yourself." _

"_There's no need for that. You're here for me, right Gin-san?" She leaned against him and despite his annoyance, his arms automatically wrapped around her. _

_He sighed. "It's like you haven't learned anything from the past, from all those men who didn't treat you right."_

"_You're not like them. You'll treat me right… Won't you?" _

"_Yes. But I still want to go through with this."_

"_Okay…" He felt her tremble in his arms. "Gin-san?" _

"_What is it now?" _

"_I'm glad that you worry about me. Sometimes I think that you don't care about me anymore." _

"_You're paranoid." _

"_No. You're distracted somehow and you barely talk to me anymore. You're always late or you don't even show up. Then sometimes I catch you staring into space like you're a million miles away. Even your nightmares…" _

"_Nightmares?"_

"_You…" She bit her lip. "It's nothing. Let's just… You said you'd teach me how to fight." Her eyes were blinking rapidly but before he could say anything, she had marched off ahead of him._

He held her tight, keeping her close as they kissed, their weapons forgotten. He was aware of everything about her, from her pleasured gasps as her lips touched his, to her fingers memorizing every detail of his back. The skin on his chest tingled with the feel of her tantalizing breasts. His lips touched the side of her neck, making her moan. Gintoki felt his body quaver with the indelicate sounds she was making. It was so… refreshing.

"Tsukuyo… You like being close this way…" His touches and kisses became bolder, encouraged by her lack of restraint. "I like it too…"

But she moved from him, her cheeks red and her gaze averted. "W- We got carried away. It must have been the heat…"

He tugged her back, amused at her shyness. "Yeah, definitely the heat… The tension from all that fighting."

"It wasn't like that!"

"Just admit it Tsukuyo, it got you hot and bothered."

"N- Not at all!"

He was on to her and her discomfort. Gintoki kept her trapped between him and the ever faithful tree trunk. "Well, you're one adventurous lady… Using training as an excuse to have your way with me."

"It was you who was taking advantage of the situation!" Her eyes were incensed but Gintoki was enjoying every minute of it.

"If you want me, just say it…"

She held the kunai against his throat. "Stop teasing me, Gintoki! I meant it when I said I wanted to learn how to fight."

"Oookay!" He stepped back. "I get it! I just liked seeing you squirm."

"We should be more careful," she said, looking around. "What if someone saw or heard us?"

"Nah, there's no one around for miles."

"You don't know that." She looked at him intently. "Are you certain?"

He crossed his arms, daring her to argue further. "Yes." Then he sighed. "Tsukuyo, tell me, why do you want to be trained?"

"Gintoki, when you told me that you knew how to handle a sword, I just knew that I wanted to be taught by you." She started smoking, exhaling slowly as if trying to relax herself.

"Tsukuyo..."

"My desire is to be strong, like you. I don't want to be weak anymore. I don't need to be protected and I also want to protect those important to me…"

"Protect from what?"

Instead of answering, she walked to his motorcycle and boarded it. "We should be getting back. I've been gone too long."

"_Do you even remember what I've taught you in the past thirty minutes?" _

"_Yes, of course, Gin-san."_

"_Sacchan, stop staring at my chest!"_

"_I'm sorry," she said before putting on a solemn expression. _

"_What's wrong now?" _

"_Gin-san, let's take a break. My arms hurt, I'm tired and I don't like fighting you like this…" _

"_It's not real! I'm just teaching you!" She was really frustrating sometimes. _

"_I know but it feels weird. We should be kissing, not striking each other. I don't want to hurt you." _

"_You won't! These aren't even real swords! Look!" He hit her on the side, maybe a little too hard. _

"_OUCH!" She jumped back. "I'm sorry for annoying you!" Then she ran inside the bathroom and locked herself in. _

"_Oi!" He screamed. Silence. "Not this again." He pounded on the door and attempted to open it but it didn't budge. Otae was really particular with the locks in their property._

"_Just go away! I won't open the door even if you begged!" _

"_Oh, I'm begging? Yeah, I'm down on my knees crying! Open the friggin' door!" _

"_No! Not even if you apologize…" _

"_I wasn't!" _

_She didn't answer after. But he kept kicking the door and yelling at her to stop the nonsense. He was hungry too, they should go and eat – his treat this time, maybe they'll try training again tomorrow instead. Still, she was soundless and he was getting anxious. She should already be sobbing or starting a long-ass speech to make him feel guilty. _

"_Goddamn it, Sacchan, I'm kicking down the door!" It took him a few strikes before the lock broke – Otae will murder him but not before she rips his guts out – but when he looked inside, the bathroom was empty. Well, he didn't give up. Gintoki checked all the cabinets and under the rug. Sacchan had a talent for hiding in tight spots. But now, she wasn't in any. "What the f-?"_

_The bathroom window near the ceiling was wide open. _

_That damn bitch had gone out the window._

_It was almost sunset by the time he found her near the freshwater edge, watching the sky like she always did, as if nothing happened. Her antics had given him a real headache and a large bill from a dire hospital visit after Otae was done with him. Gintoki limped towards the motionless figure of his girlfriend. _

"_I hope you're happy," he muttered, taking a seat next to her. "I've gotten a real beating, even my wallet was involved." _

"_I'm sorry," was all she said. That upset him somehow since he expected her to be all over him after just a few hours of separation. He looked at her, trying to crack her mood but then, all he saw were her tears. _

"_Oi! Y- Y- You! Stop crying!" He hated it when girls cried. Somehow, he felt like it was always his fault. _

_She nodded. "I understand." _

_What? "What? C'mon, stop that! What did I do? You're gonna make this damn river overflow!" He was babbling, but the sight of tears unnerved him. _

"_You did nothing." _

_He sighed with relief. "Yeah, that's what I thought. So just try to stop crying no-"_

_Sacchan stood up and ran, surprising him. He grabbed her, asking her what was wrong now, but she twisted away from him and kept running. Exasperated, he leaped at her and bound her in his arms while she thrashed and protested. They found themselves rolling and struggling in the sand. _

_She grabbed his bokutou and stood up, backing away from him. The sword was between them like he was the enemy. _

"_What the fuck is-?" _

"_You said you'd treat me right!" _

"_You're the one pointing a sword at me!" _

"_You're a liar!" The words struck him. Liar._

"_Look," he pointed at her, "the sword is in your fingers-" _

"_I didn't mean that! Don't change the subject!" _

"_I'm not lying to you at all!" _

"_You hit me with this!" She chucked the sword at him. "And you don't even care! You won't even say sorry!" _

"_Hey! It was just a light hit, a girly one!" _

"_I hate you, Gin-san! You don't care about me!" She ran away, far and fast. This time, he didn't follow her. A couple of bystanders were on the bridge, watching them. He gave them a nice view of his middle fingers._

_He should be following her and once he catches up, they would be having fantastic make-up sex. Wasn't it always like that? The same old method of fighting and getting back together? He was not in the mood. He felt like shit but he was also tired of repeating the same thing over and over. It was not fun anymore. He wanted out. Didn't he? _

_Feeling like he had nothing else to lose, Gintoki decided to enlist the help of a friend. He had not seen Tatsuma in a few months, since the man was always traveling and on a life mission of getting the girl of his dreams to marry him. He had also gone to school with the guy, but Gintoki had always wondered how his friend graduated, being a no-brain idiot. Definitely worse than Zura. Still, the man had gone on to become a pilot with gun-training on the side. The universe was full of shit sometimes._

"_A-ha-ha-ha-ha! Kintoki! Why so glum?"_

"_Seeing you had killed my mood." _

"_But ah! You were the one who sought me out!" He grinned, the usual grin. "Seeking my wisdom, perhaps?" _

"_An idiot's wisdom? I might as well off myself." _

"_Hey, that's not a nice way to talk to a friend whom you haven't seen for a long time." _

_Gintoki bristled, he had not come for Sakamoto. Instead, he was hoping that Mutsu would be around. He wanted her opinion on the matter. She was always by Tatsuma's side, ready to sweep up his messes. Everyone knew she was in love with him, despite her tough exterior, and yet… Tatsuma had dedicated his life to winning another woman's heart. Oryou, a cute but violent girl who works as a hostess at a club. _

"_A-ha-ha-ha-ha! Mutsu! Look, Kintoki's here!"_

_She gave them a pained look but said hello before stepping outside to talk to someone on the phone. _

_He waited a while and had to tolerate Tatsuma's silliness before finding an opportunity to speak to Mutsu. Before he could say anything, she told him, "If you don't like her anymore, then tell her and leave, then seek out that other woman. If you want to make it work, then make it work." Then she waved him a goodbye and walked back inside, slamming the door behind her. Mutsu was always straightforward. Except when it came to Sakamoto._

_Sakamoto had a few words. "I knew it! Kintoki, that woman from Yoshiwara. You were too happy when we were there. A-ha-ha-ha-ha!" _

_He left those dumbasses. They had made things worse._

The Yorozuya place was quiet when he was the only one around. He remembered that time when he started out. Boring. Lonely.

Then he met Shinpachi and Kagura, and by some means, everyone had come to hang out at his place. Tonight, it was reminiscent of the old days.

A soft sound drifted from behind him. G- G- G- GHOST?! A woman's tears were nothing! Spooks were his number one fear. His sword couldn't kill them, even if he tried.

There it was again, a slight sound, coming closer. He tried to mutter a prayer but he didn't know any. FUCK THIS FUCKING GHOST! He was going to diiiiieee.

He could almost feel it, a breath in his ear. Then his heart jumped out of his chest. Gintoki leaped too, turning, ready for the scare of his life.

It was definitely a ghost… from his past. Sacchan was right in front of him, reaching out, getting close. And before he could react, she was in his arms, kissing him.

_**Author's end note:** Uh-oh. Trouble? Thank you **an. co. xx**, Zura did want a free meal lol._


	4. Baby Come Back

_**Author's note: **Sorachi Hideaki owns Gintama. This story is unbetaed and might NOT BE THE FULL VERSION due to site restrictions. My tumblr / wordpress / livejournal / AO3 has the full chapters but there will be delays in uploading there. Please review! I'd love more input on this story. I'm not actually in the mood to write – socializing killed my mood to the point of literal nausea. But I swore to finish this chapter._

**Chapter Four: Baby Come Back**

He shut his eyes to erase the image of her. He was in hell. Or he was headed there.

Fingers smoothed his chest, a harsh and desperate touch once in a while. They moved to his abdomen and transformed into a sweet, cool breeze before continuing their needy tracings.

An abrupt movement from her made him look. He groaned. This was wrong and very typical of asshole behavior…

But she was delightful and stimulating. She always made him feel good. With great timing too, since he was dying for some action lately.

The view from his end was strikingly awesome. His conscience was fighting but he was in deep shit from the beginning. A man like him had his limits. He was only human. Somehow, she just knew how to work around him, his needs and his lazy attitude.

She was noisy – very, very noisy. Earsplitting. Piercing. He knew that granny Otose and Kagura, hell, even Tama, Catherine and everyone else who lived within five meters of his space, would be asking him a lot of questions in the morning. There was no doubt of his involvement in this raucousness as he could hear his own name every three seconds.

There it was again, that traitorous feeling that rushed across his stomach. It made him quiver – a good kind of quake that rung bells of alarm in his own aching head.

Gintoki took a deep breath, stifling another sound from his throat. This time, he couldn't turn away anymore. The sight of her was so invigorating. His insides were pumped up, energized – even as he just lay there and let her do all the work. She was enjoying herself too much, screaming with her eyes shut, gasping as sweat formed throughout her body, and shoving against him with a tempo which he didn't even bother to match.

He studied her as he silently begged for her to open her eyes. He wanted to see their expression, their depth. It was in them that he knew he would see her reasons for coming here.

But she kept them tightly closed. Only her whimpers and his name gliding from her lips made him sure that she had turned up for him.

She looked so unrestrained right now, shameless even. Her legs were spread wide apart to their limit and her knees straight as she sprung up and down on top of him. The vigorous bounces of her breasts as they shone with perspiration were mesmerizing to him. Her nipples were stiff and pert, practically begging for his strokes.

So he touched them and rubbed them, knowing that he was driving her insane. He loved the contrast of the soft, large mounds with smaller yet hard tips…

Gintoki growled with frustration. Breasts, beautiful and sexy ones, reminded him of Tsukuyo. A wave of regret hit him. It was too late to turn back… But he thought of her eyes and her lips and those breasts – the most fantastic ones he had ever experienced. Her face, a promise of the right kind of love coming from the heart, not from his balls.

He shook his head but now was determined to stop his infidelity. His hands slipped downwards, still feeling the softness of her body, and he rested them on her hips, intending to stop her and push her away.

But at that right moment, she cried out his name and increased her pace, taking him deeper inside her. She was in charge, dictating their motions and keeping his desire on constant fire. He loved every single thing she was doing and Gintoki soon found himself thrusting against her, yelling his own demands, and guiding her movements with his hands.

When he found his release, he tightened his grip on her and focused his relief on that rubber barrier between them.

She moved away when he was done, turning her back to him. He could still hear her gasps and could see her body tremble as she reached into her bag to fish for her hairbrush. She arranged her hair with it and he watched as she silently put the strands in place and replaced the brush in her bag.

His own throat itched to say something but his brain failed.

Hell, he failed this entire night. Why had he allowed himself to get into this situation? He was fucked. At least Zura knew what he wanted. At least Sakamoto wasn't in deep trouble like he was. And those two were dumbasses. Now he was one too, the worst even.

She coughed and started to stand but he dragged her back to him, keeping her on his lap. He knew he was inviting more trouble but he was not going to let her keep playing games with him. Especially not when he was acting like a vulnerable little shit.

"Where do you think you're going?" The anger was now palpable, he could feel himself almost losing control.

"Leaving. This was all I wanted… I won't be back." She moved to get off him but he pulled her back against him with enough force to rattle her.

"Liar. You'll be back. We both know it." They struggled for a while but he won.

"Ah!" She moaned when he accidentally rubbed against her. He felt it too, the current of pleasure that emerged from their connection. "No… I've decided it's the last. I know it's over…"

"If that's the case, then why did you come here?"

"I needed this. I won't be back," she repeated.

"I remember you telling me to get the fuck out from that restaurant. What is this game you're playing, huh Sacchan? It's not going to work on me."

"No games. I told you, I agree that it's over-"

"Right. We break up, you refuse to be friends or have any kind of contact with me, you see my face once and tell me to get the fuck out, and now you're suddenly in my room in the middle of the night, fucking me with reckless abandon one minute then the next you're out of here. Now, what kind of bullshit is that?"

She didn't answer.

He stared at the back of her head, seeing nothing. He wanted to twist her around to finally understand what this was about but he was scared. The things that she might say terrified him because they would complicate things. He wanted everything to be simple. He wanted to be back in Tsukuyo's arms.

"Sacchan, it was great while it lasted. It really was. I thought that I had made things clear then. You never really said anything after. So I thought…"

She sighed and leaned back, tilting her head to finally look at him. "You should have just let me leave without asking too many questions." Her eyes were wide but it was too dark in the room to see her expression. Holding their gaze, she started to move, rubbing her dampness on his length. She looked so desirable as she lifted her arms around his neck, flaunting her breasts, while her hips rocked against him.

"No," he said. His hands held her waist but he could only revel in her heedless appearance.

"Tell me why not… Gin-san… Gin-san, I'm here tonight because I miss you so much."

Her admission made him speechless. But the pressure of her hips against him made him groan.

"When you came into the shop that day," her voice was breathy and her movements ceaseless, "I was really happy that you came to see me, Gin-san. But it turned out you only wanted a free meal and you didn't even want to be there. Katsura-san must have talked you into it."

"I…" Gintoki was still at a loss for words.

"I tried to be angry with you but all I could think about was how much I miss you- Wait, Gin-san!" She bent forward and took a packet from her bag, opening it before handing it to him. He hastily put on the condom and entered her from behind.

They moved slowly this time, like they did when they used to talk. She still felt wonderful, tightening around him when he tweaked her nipples. "Cute," he snickered.

"I won't bother you again after this. I just needed you tonight."

"We shouldn't be doing this. Sacchan, I-"

"You're right... I just needed this for the last time…"

"What if you decide on another night that you need me again?"

"I won't need you." She shut her eyes, trembling, increasing her pace. "Gin-san, I'll forget about you. I- I have a lot of men coming after me, you know. They want me… They want to be with me. I thought I couldn't look at anyone but you."

"You have bad luck with men," he reminded her.

"That's true." She gasped when he circled his hips. "But you aren't the bad kind, you're the only blessing I've ever had."

"No, I don't think we've been good together."

"There's one man, he seemed so dangerous and awful but… he reminds me of you. Not in looks, but in the meaning I see when I stare into his eyes. I feel like you've gone through the same things-"

"Then he's bad news."

"No. He's perfect. But even so, even if it does not end well, I don't care. I'll find someone, the right man for me, eventually."

"Just stop it already. Stop saying these things." He had become a bit rough, annoyed with her again. "No matter what you say, I won't take you back." He pushed her against the mattress, fucking her hard until they both came.

He collapsed on top of her, fuming, hating her for getting him into this situation. She was as uncontrollable and as exasperating as ever. There was no salvation for him after this.

"It's because of Tsukuyo, isn't it?" Her voice was soft but he heard every word and every bitter tone that accompanied it.

Gintoki drew back, astonished, and he could only gape as she sat up, looking at him with resentment and offence. "What did you say?" Sacchan was not supposed to know _anything_ regarding Tsukuyo. How did she? Did someone tell her? He never breathed a word about her nor Tsukuyo's name to her.

"Tsukuyo," she said flatly. "I've known for a while. Your new girlfriend. Your apparent _true love_. I don't know what it is that you're looking for in a woman… But I'm telling you, it's not _her_."

He laughed this time. "Shut up, Sacchan. You don't even know her."

"Don't I? Towards the end of our relationship, I've always wondered why you were changing towards me. And that word – Tsukuyo – it was a name after all… She's in your dreams. I always wondered why you spoke that word in your sleep… And even when, even when we made love then, you had to hurt me and piss me off by whispering her name." She slapped him. "You fucking bastard! You couldn't even be honest with me…" She stood up and dressed while she cried.

He could only stare at her in awe of her words.

"She's not even pretty! I see nothing special in her dull, blonde hair and her fake-looking purple eyes. Her face is scarred, for crying out loud. SHE'S A SCARFACE!"

Gintoki's brain snapped and he hit her. He sent her flying to the edge of the room, hitting the wall with a bang. She cried out in pain, making him regret what he had done. "Sacchan, I'm-" he said as he approached her.

But she threw her bag at him and screamed, "DON'T YOU DARE APOLOGIZE TO ME! I never lied to you, you're the one who always did… I never thought you would treat me this way. You're right, I have the worst luck with men. And you, you're the one who promised to take care of me but for some- some _prostitute_ whom you decided to leave me for, you treat me like garbage!"

"SHUT UP, SACCHAN!"

"NO, I WON'T SHUT UP! I WON'T EVER SHUT UP! Because I don't deserve everything you've done. And for all the shit that comes upon me, I hope you'd feel responsible."

"You-"

"I've been to Yoshiwara, you know." Her revelations were becoming more and more astounding. "Call me whatever you want, even a stalker, because I _followed_ you there lots of times. And I saw you with her… even when you try to enjoy fucking her, groping her overly large breasts-"

"FUCK YOU!"

"Maybe that's why you like her so much too. But it's so obvious, she's holding you back! I know you, and she's too uptight and too self-conscious for you. Your patience can't handle her, Gintoki Sakata! She can't take care of you the way you need to be. Maybe you want to have this all-consuming, out-of-this-world and destiny kind of love with her but let me tell you, it's never going to happen!"

"That's enough!"

"Now, she's become even more interesting because she's got some fight in her, having you train her for some future battle she's planning to undertake. Such promise! I bet you love her even more after that! After all, I was such a failure with your sword training sessions. Oh, how wonderful _love_ is!"

She ran outside before he could scream the foulest profanities at her.

"_I'm sorry," he said as he rushed to the counter, overtaking the long line of customers. His hands were full of roses and candies – which he hoped she would let him eat later – and he even put on a suit. She liked it when he did "romantic" things in public, especially when people were there to see him being sweet to her. _

_His plan didn't turn out as he liked since she merely gave him a blank stare and told him to fall in line. Women were giggling and men were snickering. He hated this, the way she made him grovel, but he genuinely felt bad, especially with the way things were going lately. _

_Almost an hour later – she must have taken her time on purpose, he finally reached the counter. He never begged, except for chocolates and sex, but he supposed that she should also be an exception because she was his girlfriend. _

"_Are you dining in or ordering for take-out?" _

"_I suppose… Dining in." _

"_Find a table please, a waitress will take your order there." _

"_I see." He stared at her a while then took a seat at his usual place. _

_He thought she'd send someone else to deal with him but she surprised him by bringing him some of his favorite parfait and pudding. She also gave him a small smile then returned to the counter. _

_It was still waaaaay less than her expected reaction but at least she had finally acknowledged him. He had to get the guilt off his shoulders. Being the bad guy was not making himself proud. _

_The excitement he felt as she let him take her home was indescribable. He drove his motorcycle slower than necessary and took detours to prolong the ride. She was silent but he knew that she was warming up to him with the way her head rested on his shoulders. _

_It was odd but he missed her annoying screams when he took her for a ride. Guilt had really eaten up his brain. _

"_Thank you, Gin-san," she said as she took the flowers from him. She patted his suit to remove some dust that had settled on his shoulder. The chocolates, she let him have them and he was certainly pleased by that. He even wanted to kiss her and stay with her tonight. _

_Maybe this time it would be different. Maybe their relationship had suffered the worst. Maybe she would stop wrecking his life and his mood. Why was he even wondering about these things? Why was he trying to make-up with her?_

_Gintoki thought of Mutsu's words. "Tell her and leave… or make it work." He couldn't tell her… But maybe he wanted to leave. _

"_Do you want to come inside, Gin-san?"_

_He looked up, startled by her invitation. "Yes."_

_He kissed her after closing the door. "Let's go to your room." _

_Sacchan nodded and let him carry her to her bed. She let him do whatever he wanted. She let him kiss her and touch her and undress her, leaving only her underwear. _

_He loved the small cottony clothing that barely covered her up. She wore white today, such an innocent image that didn't fit her at all but made him excited nonetheless. They grated against each other, only her panties between them. He could feel her heat, her dampness, her desire. _

_Gintoki licked her nipples, fascinated that every touch created a pleasing reaction from her. Her stomach was tense beneath his lips but her cries were definitely untroubled. He kissed his way down, planting a soft one at her center, driving her to gasp and pull at his hair. _

_Neither of them spoke even when he finally tore off her undies, teasing her, avoiding that special spot and only focusing on her inner thighs. He kept them rested on his shoulders as he anticipated her begging for more. _

"_Ohh, Gin-san, please, do it now." _

"_You're not mad at me anymore?" _

"_I… No, I can't stay angry with you. I miss you already." _

_He laughed. She was always so expressive. But he liked how much she needed him. _

"_W- What's so funny?" _

"_Nothing." Then he tasted her, smothering her with delight, but only until she had almost crossed the line. _

"_W- Why'd you stop? No… Gin-san, please…" _

_He straightened, keeping her thighs on his shoulders, opening her to him. "I'm here, Sacchan," he growled as he penetrated her with one, rapid thrust. _

_Her screams as she reached climax encouraged him further. He started pumping, harshly entering and pulling out, determined to keep her soaring. Gintoki knew her delicate state, she was certainly easier to pleasure after each time she reached her bliss. _

_Sacchan came again, and this time, Gintoki peaked with her. "I want more," he whispered in her ear when he had recovered. It was true, he still wanted her. _

Yoshiwara felt different. But Gintoki knew that he was only fooling himself. It was he who had changed, not the place. Funny how in a week and a few days that he had been away, a lot happened.

He wanted so badly to continue to be with Tsukuyo, but his recent actions had reduced him into an undeserving lowlife cheat who should be damned for eternity. The moment she saw him, she would know that something was wrong. And she deserved to know the truth – she was that valuable to him. How could he just let things end this way just because he was horny and he let his wild and ridiculous ex-girlfriend get the better of him?

She had even been to Yoshiwara, that bitch, stalking him and his new love. What if she did something to Tsukuyo? What if she revealed everything to her before he could explain himself? Was there even a worthy explanation for his actions?

He was in another stupid, fucked-up situation. He wanted to obliterate last night… Forget it ever happened. Today, he immediately left the house before anyone he knew saw him, or worse, started a conversation about the noise he made.

This wasn't like him, or maybe it was, running away from things… Never facing his problems. Yep, it was definitely his doing.

He kissed Tsukuyo before they rode off to their training grounds, shamefully avoiding her eyes and not giving attention to her breasts, even once. They started with the swords immediately – she could now handle the real, deadly ones but still with the use of both hands. Gintoki was so distracted, thinking that she could see right through him, that Tsukuyo almost sliced his arm off.

"Gintoki!"

"Huh?"

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing! I'm fine."

"Why are you acting so odd?"

"I'm not! Haha… What are you talking about, Tsukuyo? You must be tired. Let's take a break."

"Okay…" She stared at him with narrowed eyes.

He sat back against the tree, closing his eyes. Tsukuyo's shadow suddenly loomed over him. "What-?"

She coughed and sat on his lap, blushing like there was no tomorrow. Then she kissed him, her arms winding around his neck.

He responded with pleasant surprise. She was amazing.

"What's going on with you, Gintoki? Tell me." Her eyes were intense and unforgiving.

He frowned, bracing himself to tell her everything. He would face the consequences as a man. What mattered was that he gave her what she deserved. The truth.

Suddenly, her eyes held an understanding, then she kissed him again, aggressively, her hands touching his body and sending shivers all over him. When she boldly slid off her top, exposing herself to him, his eyes widened with shock.

Tsukuyo pulled on his hair, guiding his lips to her breasts.

Gintoki groaned, sucking on her hungrily. She was magnificent… Tsukuyo was sensational. She was there for him, making him forget all his problems – not being one of them.

He would show Sacchan… She was wrong. Tsukuyo was the woman for him. They made each other better… and they balanced each other out.

He would make sure that every little piece of shit that came out of Sacchan's mouth was completely wrong.

"_You don't have to love me, just stay with me. I'll make you happy."_

"_No, I can't do this anymore. I want to leave." _

"_Why? Why?"_

_He turned away. "I told you, I can't love you… I'm doing everything wrong." Nothing feels right about this._

_And there's someone else._

_**Author's end note:** Thank you for your reviews: **Rylolli**, new username? Yeah, I'm not really into Tsukuyo. I realized that I cringe every time she appears in the anime or manga. Glad that characterization in this story worked out somehow. I did want to emphasize the contrast between the two girls. **kurasuchi**, thank you, wow, I'm really surprised with the reactions to this fic. But it's fun to write this too! **an. co. xx**, it's probably cos of Sacchan hahaha. It's not gonna be easy for the three of them._


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